Trump Says His Body Odor Is An “Offensive Power Move” To Win Every Deal For America

White House insiders say Trump has started intentionally smelling worse than usual in meetings with foreign leaders from Canada, Mexico and the EU, and as a power move to assert dominance.

Trump is yelling his catch phrase, “Stop the count!” again, this time about job numbers.

Trump just fired his doctor for accurately recording his recent weight gain numbers.

During the point at which all of Trump’s cabinet secretaries give 90-second spiels on how successful and energetic he is in their meetings, Trump fell asleep today and he audibly farted several times as they awkwardly continued praising him anyway.

The first place trophy for Trump’s golf tournament at Mar-a-Lago next month already says “Donald J. Trump” on it.

Ghislaine Maxwell is now reportedly claiming that the only thing she saw Donald Trump do with underage girls at Jeffrey Epstein’s house was lead Bible study sessions.

Trump’s new White House ballroom plans reportedly include a portrait of himself bigger than the portrait of Mao Zedong in Tiananmen Square.

Trump is reportedly telling staffers that any incriminating photos of him from Epstein’s mansion that may or may not be in the Epstein files were planted by Joe Biden, especially the golden shower ones that sound like the Russian dossier rumors.

Pam Bondi’s doctors say she’s currently at the hospital trying to get them to induce her into a coma so she doesn’t have to deal with the Epstein files cover up anymore.